On my list of all time favorite weeks this would not be considered my favorite, or even in the top 1000 (I figured it out, there have been 1026 weeks in my life.)
The sad thing is that it was so uneventful that I'm not even sure why I hated it so much. For some reason I just feel like I have been metaphorically punched in the gut and had the wind knocked out of me, dizziness, nausea. You know... the works.
How do you fix that?
You can't.
You just have to breath in and out until you regain your composure.
So here I am. Just breathing in and out. Hoping.
And being the massive freak/anal/over controlling person that I am, I made a list of things I'm hoping for:
- I hope to be a better friend.
- I hope to not judge so harshly
- I hope to see other's views as valid
- I hope that someday I can feel like I'm good enough
Why are these things so hard to feel and do? On paper it seems so easy. I write down a schedule in my planner every day. ON PAPER! IN INK! It's right there. It's tangible. It can't be deleted with the click of a button, or erased. In the planner everything looks perfect. It's perfectly placed, timed out exactly (minus bathroom breaks) but when it comes down to it, I do maybe 3 things exactly when I say I'm going to do them.
dakl;fjlkdsjflakjfdlsjf;lkdalfj
I'm frustrated. Sorry I say things that don't make sense. I think that I am over analyzing. In my head everything sounds great, and deep and insightful. When I read over it, I just sound like a dork. That's why I keep doing it, maybe someday I'll figure out how this whole putting your life on the internet thing works, until then HERE I AM WORLD! Read it and weep. Or don't because that would be awkward, for me. Or maybe just you because I probably wouldn't see you weeping. Or something. MLERP. I don't know what I'm saying... I'm still typing. I'm stopping now.
Ok.
Bye.
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