Do You Think that Heavenly Father Cares How Great of a Mechanical Engineer You Are?

Today was hard for me because it was fast Sunday. I forgot to start the day with a prayer to fast so I did it while I was waiting for my bishop interview outside the bishops office. I prayed to know if going on a mission was the right thing to do. I really feel like it is, but I still need that burning in my heart.

My bishop thought so too. He told me that I shouldn't be going because I feel pressure from my family, or because I want to see new places or because I wasn't having luck with boys.

He told me that I should go because I truly want to serve the Lord and help people.

I really do want to help people. I just feel like most of the time, I have no idea how.

Is making cookies to bring over really that important when you forgot to even read the lesson, and when aren't even good enough friends with your companion (who you live with) to tell her that you want to go next week? It's not good enough. I need to get passed the shallow, I'm too scared to actually help you so I will just send you over something that I think is nice but that I didn't have to try to get to know you doing. (if that even makes sense)

Nothing I say anymore makes any sense to me.

I've been having a really hard time breathing lately and not because of the altitude.

I think it's because I'm realizing the things that I know are built on a weak foundation. I don't know if you know the song, but that guy's house falls down.

I need to actually be better and smarter and more spiritual. But I don't know how. Am I really trying as hard as I think I am, or am I making that up in my head?

In fast and testimony meeting today a guy was reflecting on his life and how he wasn't the best mechanical engineer but then asked if Heavenly Father really cares about how great he is at it. That is incredible to think about. Does Heavenly Father care about economics? If I care, he cares. But not in the same way. Is economics going to matter in Heaven? Probably not. But getting an education does matter. I need to start thinking, if I'm learning, I'm growing. And have not confidence, but courage, in my self

I need help.
I need to pray more.