Mission: Possible

Today, we hiked. By we I mean Gen, Nikki, Chiara, Asher, Desi and Me.
By hiked I mean walked along a dike on a scenic route for about a mile while shedding our body weight in sweat. It was literally a hot mess. But probably one of the funnest things I've done all summer.

Desi and I, being the adventurous souls that we are bought wolf shirts, hiking boots and brand new water bottles and set out. We stopped by Gen's house to pick something up and wound up convincing them to come along. Let's just say we weren't as prepared as we should have been. There was some walking along a road, a small case of dehydration, and a big case of confusion. But it was fun! And we formed an official wolf pack which includes shirts and friendship bracelets, so I guess there really is always a bright side.

When I got home there was a letter waiting for me.

Every time I write a letter to a missionary, I hold my breath.

Moments like that take me back to middle school when I would look around the room for a partner and think to myself, I really thought I had friends. Or maybe that was just me?  I seriously start to question the validity of our friendship. I start to ask questions like, whenever in my life have I annoyed this person? Are they still annoyed at this one isolated event that may have caused them annoyance? Am I distracting them? Do they have a stamp to write me back?

I do it as some sort of weird coping mechanism trying to convince myself not to send the letters. That was until I talked to one of my sisters (a returned missionary) who told me that none of the things that I am worrying about even matter. In the end, what the letter said doesn't even matter. What matters is that I care enough to write the letters. She told me that I may regret not caring enough, but I will never regret caring too much.

She is so right. It reminds me of the W H Auden poem "If equal affections cannot be, Let the more loving one be me." Speaking as a girl who has a really hard time sharing her emotions, (except in quick, random bursts usually involving midol and chocolate) I really need to implement these words in my lifestyle. ASAP.

Plus these boys are my friends and I love them and miss them and only want the best for them, so I hope that I am doing no harm by sending these letters because really they are helping me out by writing back. Every letter I get strengthens my testimony because there faith is translated so clearly in their letters. It is contagious.

Today was different though because today was a fairytale. I got a letter from the missionary. The missionary that I compare all other boys to. He tells me that I can fight (metaphorical) Laminates and win, and that he admires how hard I work in school and all aspects of my life and he makes me believe that everything I do is important while still making me laugh.

All this DOES NOT mean that I'm waiting for him, and he is my eternal companion and just doesn't know it yet.

I wish!

No but really, I'm just glad that guys like him exist because I would be happy to end up with someone half as spiritually minded and able to share, so easily, the gospel that he knows and loves.